The Rise and Fall of Flappy Bird

You know Flappy Bird. The goddamn bird that’s been occupying the minds of the weak and strong alike, taking over the world’s citizens in droves, possibly causing insomnia-related health visits to rise worldwide. Who will save us? Ironically, its end will be brought about by none other than its creator. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, it is going to be shut down, completely voluntarily, by Dong Nguyen, who’s already earned half a million from it, and could easily earn another half a million. Read past the break to find out our take on this.

I may seem like I kid about the effects of Flappy Bird on people, but there are those who are, somehow, ridiculously addicted to Flappy Bird. I was never a victim of its appeal; I played it for about 30 minutes in total, and found it stupid. There is no goal, really, other than to get the bird to fly through random pipes that jut out from the ground, and get this, the sky. Utterly ludicrous and pointless, but it’s a game after all.

I actually spent more time reading the reviews on iTunes, because really, they are hilarious. Check this out, for instance (a 5 star rating, for those who want to know):

Please read this for your own safety.

by Victim of Flappy

I won’t get addicted. I won’t become his servant. I won’t do his bidding. I won’t love him. I won’t glorify and praise him every day and night. These were all things I promised my mom when I first downloaded flappy bird. I thought that an innocent kids game could never take me to this level of outrage and evil. I’ve gone through 23 iPhones since I’ve been playing. I forced my mom to buy the iPhones back for me and then I burned all of my moms money. But no. I wasn’t burning the money. I was just the body flappy bird chose to work with. So the evil and the things I’ve been doing have just been my inner flappy. I hear his wings at night, flapping. He forced me to sacrifice my cat for him and sing the noise of him flapping, crashing, and going in between pipes. My mom came in to check on me, but then I was forced to sacrifice her. I was not going to do this. I yelled “FLAPPY! I CAST YOU OUT” I heard the noise of flappy leaving, but he screamed with scream that sent chills down my back saying it is not over. I do not know what is to come of me people but please, please, do not get flappy bird. It is just as bad as devil worshipping.

Refer to the picture below for my reaction when I read this, and other similarly idiotic reviews of Flappy Bird.

Wat

The Life of Flappy Bird

First, a little history of Flappy Bird. Our bird first hatched in May of 2013, and was largely ignored by the world. In early January of 2014, it struck, for some reason (some would claim that bots reviewing and downloading the app multiple times are the reason for its sudden rise in downloads), and turned everyone’s heads with its massive success and virality.

It does not seem to be stopping, it seems. I’m certain that if the developer wished, it would continue, for at least another week or so, and at 50k a day, a week would give him enough money to survive 2 more years in relative comfort, decidedly more considering he is located in Vietnam.

Burying Flappy Bird

Yet he just Tweeted yesterday (Twitter handle @dongatory), the following:

He seems to be uninterested in the future of Flappy Bird, and is not selling its name or the game to other app developers who might want it. Apparently, his reason for killing Flappy Bird prematurely is that he cannot handle the attention and the stress.

poor_dong

So, he wants peace. But I doubt peace will be easy for Dong Nguyen to find. He’s going to be on the radar from now on, and thousands of people have downloaded Flappy Bird, and they won’t just stop playing just because it is removed from the App Store. In fact, I’d say they’ll keep it on their phones because the majority of people won’t know how to get an app by sideloading it (Android). Perhaps this may only lengthen its life, and for that I am sad.

In the game, Flappy Bird would rise, but eventually, the ugly brick-like duck thing falls, and dies. For many people, it falls sooner rather than later. Similarly, I hope people stop playing this game sooner rather than later, because it’s a sickening and stupid game, and humanity is the worse for it.

Viral games like Flappy Bird, such as Temple Run, tend to have a short lifespan. They come, and then after massive success, they go, possibly within only a month. Perhaps by killing Flappy Bird early, its success will be remembered more than its eventual demise. If that was Dong Nguyen’s goal in hastening its demise, to end it with a bang, then I salute him, for it is a smart move, worthy of respect.

But one thing is for certain: in time, another stupid game will come to captivate the minds of people, just you mark my words. I dread that time, and the mob mentality that will afflict many. I only hope that I can resist the allure of the next game like I have done for Flappy Bird.

It is time for goodbye, people. I say good riddance, Flappy Bird. Farewell, and may your influence finally fade! Your creator never knew what a monster you’d turn out to be, but at least, for better (not worse), he has come to save humanity from certain doom (and painful thumbs). Slain by its creator, not a bad way to go indeed. You will not be missed.

Game over, Flappy Bird.

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